Quieting the thoughts that race through our minds can be hard, however transformation only comes about when we can do this. It is in being still and quiet, and letting the thoughts and ideas we’ve pushed down for years percolate up to the surface for consideration we make progress. While this may sound a frightening prospect, we are generally older and wiser than we were when we pushed the thoughts down, so what was once scary often seems faintly amusing in the cold clear light of midlife introspection.

This may suggest that we can just sit quietly one day and the thoughts will obediently pop up in a neat series for us to work through. Often this is not so, and slowly we learn that waiting is a big part of the process. Not just being quiet, but completely quietening ourselves and waiting patiently for the ideas to percolate, and for us to find a resolution that feels right for us now.

Being quiet also allows us the space to accept that we no longer have to strive to succeed. Society tells us we have to, and most can easily recall the stress and exhaustion of trying to meet ever changing expectations and goals. Now we are able to peel away the masks we felt we had to wear, we can decide what is important to us, and what we want to pursue for our own reasons.

It is also important to realize that after quietening we may also find dark, unpleasant thoughts bubbling up into the life of day. While it may feel easier to push them back down, the transformation of midlife is about reintegrating all of us. Everyone has things they dislike about themselves, but it is vital to future mental health to acknowledge the less pretty parts of ourselves. We don’t have to like them, just admit to ourselves their there, and know that under certain circumstances they are apt to influence our behavior. Knowing this sets you free from the uncertainty of what might be there!

Another part of being still is not trying to find quick answers to big questions. Some questions need to be answered with our heads, but some need to be answered with our hearts, and we need to take the time to consider the options before moving on to the next question. This is the ultimate ‘do-over’ – don’t rush it!

After quieting comes the point where we have to leave the familiar and outgrown life and consider the unfamiliar new place we are headed. Change takes adjustment time, and it will only benefit you to take all the time you need to experiment and test the unfamiliar in this safe place.

For many, solitude is something we crave at midlife. There is so much to process, and simply being undisturbed is one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. We can take pleasure in the quiet, and bring the peace we find there back into other areas of our lives.

From this peacefulness and transformation, we emerge better more awareness of how we can help others.