Gaining perspective on the phases of midlife can help us understand the bigger picture of what we can expect, and these are the usual stages of transition through midlife.

The first stage is the stage of ‘accommodation’, where we adapt and alter ourselves to meet societal expectations. We assume roles such as ‘the good mother,’ the patient teacher,’ or ‘the valued volunteer’ and go through our daily lives wearing the appropriate uniform and mask, however as we enter midlife we become aware at some level that it is all a sham.

When the realization that we are playing roles and have drifted a long way from who we really are becomes too loud to ignore, we begin the process of ’separation’ from those roles. We become more assertive, and empowered by our success dig deeper to see what else we can change.

This phase moves towards ‘reintegration’ as we become increasingly comfortable and confident with the person we are becoming, once the false roles and personas are shed and we become able to accept who we really are. This stage is not static, and while we may make great leaps in some areas of ourselves, other harder decisions may cause us to backtrack and reconsider until we are content with our choice.

Finally, when the bulk of this work has been accomplished and we start to reassemble all the parts of the new self, we reach the phase of ‘individuation’. Particularly for those who have made major changes in the transition, it takes time to realize who you have become. As we move closer to understanding and integrating all the elements, we begin to emerge as the person we have been seeking to become.

As you read through these stages it should make it easier to gain perspective and see that there are distinct phases, but that after you’ve move through them, you will emerge at the other end like a butterfly from a chrysalis!